After weeks of discussion within the Trump Camp, sources close to Mr. Trump have leaked details of the search for a vice-presidential running mate. Sarah Palin, though an early backer of Mr. Trump, requested she not be considered so she can care for her husband, Todd, who was seriously injured in a snowmobile accident.
Another possible VP candidate was Omarosa Manigualt, familiar to viewers of Trump’s TV reality show, The Apprentice. As an African-American female, strategists hoped she would help counter some of Trump’s low approval ratings with women and minorities. In a yet to be released statement, Omarosa said,
“I’m flattered that Donald would consider me for his backup in his ‘Make America Great Again’ luxury country makeover. Unfortunately, I have some prior commitments to the introduction and marketing of my new line of mood-altering food supplements. I wish him the best of luck, and hope he can avoid bankruptcy on this project.”
An old hand to return
One of Trump’s key beliefs is that the U.S. should get back in the torture (and worse!)
business. His views have been forcefully denounced by several high ranking security and military officials, with former CIA chief Michael Hayden saying the CIA would defy orders to conduct torture. Trump’s strategy is apparently set to challenge any attempts to defy orders by announcing Dick Cheney as his VP running mate.
Trump’s spokesperson elaborated:
“Dick Cheney has proven his value in persuading military and security agencies that they need to ‘get with the program’ or be classified as anti-American. It will be interesting to see how these military types change their tune when ole’ Dick starts messing with their minds.”
New Cabinet position
In addition to appointing Cheney as Vice-President, Trump spokes-bot described a new position President Trump will create on his first day in office. The Deputy of Extreme Rendition Techniques (DERT) will be headed by Cheney as its first “Dungeon Master.”